Sexuality And The Need For Privacy Adapted from Dr. Stephen Levine
Our sexuality is very often a well guarded secret and protects from other people. It is protected so that people will not find out about our sexual self. When a therapist is sought to help with sexual problems, the past of the patient or couple is relevant. When a patient or couple wants to share something private with a therapist, language often becomes a problem. Vocabulary failure comes from an upbringing where as children, sexuality is regarded as a secret. For example, a penis is called a weewee and for girls the phrase "down there" is used to refer to the genitalia. It is the task of the therapist to help patients/ couples find the words to describe their sexuality without feeling embarrassed by using words like "masturbation", "mouth-genital stimulation", "penis", "clitoris", "ejaculation", "orgasm" and "breasts".
In a suppressive culture, seeking help for sexual concerns is a highly anxious experience because it feels as if some unwritten social rule is being broken. We are thought that in polite society we avoid the topic of sexuality, speak of it indirectly, tell a joke and DO NOT admit to any personal sexual concerns or problems. In therapy, it is the task of the clinician to get rid of the patient's burden, so that they are able to speak about their sexual impulses, curiosity,sexual identity, intimate things that are unknown to their partners as plainly, without innuendos with respect to their need for privacy and initial discomfort.
In a relationship, sexual problems can sometimes be understood by the partners' nonsexual interactions. In a comfortable relationship, sexual behavior is limited by unresolved issues that come from anger, guilt, anxiety or fear of communication. And so, it is the task of the therapist to facilitate a balance of perception and attitude about the sexual traits and interaction between the couple.
