Brian Nandy Counseling              

Celebrating Singlehood & Independence

We spend so much time looking for a lover, and yet not know enough about ourselves. Valentine's Day perpetuates depression over this fact. Perhaps in the process of waiting - we could get to know ourselves better by dating the Lover or Partner Within! Adapted from Brad Gooch's book "Finding the Boyfriend Within" here are a few things you could do to celebrate your singlehood!

Dating the Partner within - Awareness Exercises:

1. List neurotic patterns that might be getting in the way of you meeting, getting to know, or learning to happily live with a partner.
2. List environmental factors that may in part explain any difficulties you are experiencing in meeting, getting to know, or living with a partner.
3. Draw a line down the middle of a blank sheet of paper. On one side, list the pluses of having a partner. On the other side, list the minuses. See how your own personal ledger sheet balances out.
4. List the most attractive qualities of the “package” that is you.
5. List your most attractive inner qualities.
6. List those qualities you want to more fully develop in your partner within.
7. Plan and go on dates with your partner within.
8. List five uncomfortable, negative emotions. Next to the list, write down short notes about actual, remembered situations to which you can connect them.
9. Review the list of situations in Awareness Exercise Eight and write down notes for reshooting them to change their outcome.
10. List techniques for reestablishing your relationship with the Partner Within that you’ve found to be most reliable in difficult times.
11. List a few occasions in your life with a Significant Other when you suddenly felt thrown back on your own resources, or left alone. Then write down notes about how you might reshoot the scene-how you might have handled, or even thought about, the situation differently.
12. Write a short paragraph in which you express why you’ve chosen to be-or by accident have found yourself at this moment-single. If you’re not single, write a paragraph in which you express why you’ve chosen not to be.
13. Compose a wish list of at least four people with whom you’d like to go on a date.
14. List real or possible reactions to no longer looking at the world as a small mail-order catalog from which you’re trying to pick out the best possible partner.
15. Draw a line down the middle of a blank sheet of paper. Label one side “Past” and the other “Future.” On the “Past” side write down those times in your life when you’ve done extra work for love’s sake. On the “Future” side write down future possibilities for such good deeds in your own social circle.
16. List activities in the larger world that are worthy and exciting possibilities for your own volunteerism.

             Adapted from Finding the Boyfriend Within by Brad Gooch